Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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