I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
