Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
