His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
