I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
