well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
