i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
