PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize