Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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