You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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