Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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