Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
