I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
