We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
