ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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