im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
