We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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