The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
