She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
