Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
