i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
