My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
