some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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