I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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