She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
