Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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