I CAN MOONWALK!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
