Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
