You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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