I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
