dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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