So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
