He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
