I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
