Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
