burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
