I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
