Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
