thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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