This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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