Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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