Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
