but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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