Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
