I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
