they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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