Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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