Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize