You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
