i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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