I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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