she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize