come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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