That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize