First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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