Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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