So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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