I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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