yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
