Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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