we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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