does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
