did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
