Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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