I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
