I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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