I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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