He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize