holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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