hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
