i permit you to call me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize