I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We got so high we made milksteak
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
