Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
