I don't remember. Are we still dating?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
