'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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