we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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