go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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